Blueprints for a Solid Marriage

While driving to and from the airport (which we do quite often) and at night before we go to bed, Danny and I have been reading "Blueprints for a Solid Marriage" by Dr. Steve Stephens.

Now, I know some of you who are single are probably already moving the mouse to click on another, more interesting blog, BUT WAIT! If I were you I'd read this blog just to get a realistic picture of the work you'll one day get to put into making a great marriage. :-)

This is by far one of the most practical and useful books on marriage I've ever read, and I've read alot. Don't ask me to start listing them. We could be here for awhile.

Check out the "L's Booklist" blog and you'll see. Simply add about a dozen books onto what you see there, and you have all the books I've read on marriage and being a wife. I know, I should be a marriage counselor - I practically have enough classroom hours. As for real-life experience - give me a few more years to tuck under my belt before putting me on the advice-giving train.

So, onto this book, which I am now going to buy for every newlywed, engaged, soon-to-be engaged, thinking-about-getting engaged, and dating couple I know.

Stephens relates every aspect of marriage to a different room of the house. Bonus point number one: a great, easy to remember analogy.

Examples

The Kitchen: Practical Projects

The Family Room: Recreational Projects

The Closets: Emotional Projects

The Foundation: Spiritual Projects

Stephens explains what "togetherness" in marriage looks like in all 12 projects/chapter addressed in "Blueprints." He gives practical examples, solutions, and ideas in each chapter. At the end of each chapter there are questions intended to help you apply the "projects" to your own life. Some of the questions are fun, some are hard, and some are deep. This book definitely does not allow you have a shallow marriage.

Examples

*Think through the latest fight with your spouse and go below the surface. What underlying needs (which Stephens discusses) do you think was present? Which of these do you think was present with your partner?

*Look at the list of 25 common household chores. Mark which ones you do, which ones your spouse does, and which ones you do together. Surprise your partner by coming alongside and making more of the "alone" tasks into "together" tasks.

*See how long you can kiss. Then go somewhere else and break your record.

*Write down the five times you have hurt the feelings of your spouse. Apologize to him or her and do something to show that you are truly sorry for what you have done.

Danny and I could only digest one chapter of this book each night. Sometimes it made us want to jump out of bed and go figure out new things for us to do together around the house that we had been doing separately (see The Kitchen: Practical Projects chapter questions). Sometimes we had to stay up later because Stephen's questions pricked a particularly emotional, hard-to-deal-with topic and one of us was upset. Sometimes we just closed the book and fell asleep, contentedly feeling closer as a couple because we'd read together.

This has been a GREAt book to read, digest, and discuss while celebrating our first year of marriage, but don't think it's too soon or too late for you.

Sometimes I get discouraged that the sinful little girl in me will horribly mess-up my marriage - that I'll never be good enough to be the "Excellent Wife." But it's not about me, it's about how great the Lord is to work in me and despite me. It's about being vulnerable and genuiune with the women in my Bible study so they can pray for me. It's about communicating with Danny even when I don't want to talk about it any more. It's about using the practical resources I have at my finger tips (like "Blueprints") to keep our marriage creative and loving. It's about trusting that it's the Lord's will for our marriage to be thriving, growing, and renewing until the day He calls us home.