One I'll be the wife of a . . . .

I married a dreamer, a visionary, a man with a gosh-darn LOT of ideas.

Sometimes he drives me crazy with his ever-changing goals, but sometimes he makes life so terribly exciting it's like throwing your hands up in the air on a roller coast just before it takes a big plunge.

So, to share with you a little piece of my husband and of my marriage, I give you just a smattering of all things Danny wants to do before we die.

• have a chicken coop in the backyard & slaughter them for dinner
• raise sheep
• roast coffee beans
  
• build a kayak
• refurbish an OLD VW bug
  
• open a laundromat with an attached internet cafe
• remodel a house
• build a fish hatchery in the garage & send our kids out to "catch" fish for dinner
  
• start a pizza pub
• make homemade yogurt
• sew his own pair of pants
• grow veggies in a community garden
• make flip flops out of tires
• make his own hammock
• put an engine on his bike
• start a dog-walking business (which he's actually doing HERE)

Are you tired yet? (And, can you believe that one day he expects me to be okay with raising fish, sheep, chickens in our yard while going to the COMMUNITY garden for our vegetables?)

A Very Brief History of the Stillers

We interupt our normally scheduled program to give you a brief history of Danny and Laura as a couple.

Fall 2002 - Laura came to lunch at Susan Lee's with her roommates and Danny thought to himself, "I gotta check out this new girl." But Laura was busy as a bee and buzzed right in and out of that lunch, giving Danny little "get to know you time."

Later in the Fall of 2002 - Laura saw Danny on campus in his corp uniform and senior boots and immiately grew weak at the knees. She was going to go over and say "hi," but in the time it took for her to walk past the library three people had already stopped him to talk. Intimidated by his popularity, the little transfer student just walked on by and went to class thinking, "he'll never remember who I am anyways."

Spring 2003 - Danny and Laura both applied to lead the inner city ministry team at Central Baptist Church. Danny was going to revamp the entire program; Laura just wanted to hang out with kids in Bryan.

April 2003 - After being selected as co-leaders of the inner city ministry, Danny and Laura met at the Dartmouth Dollhouse where Danny proceeded to unload all 589 of his ideas on Laura in a very incoherent and haphazard conversation. He left feeling great about the next year , and Laura unloaded all her 589 NEW concerns about this whole partnership to Lauren and Clint (who just laughed at the ridiculously bad communication that had just occured in the kitchen).

Summer 2003 - Danny and Laura worked different sessions at KAA and took a picture together during work week. That was pretty much the extent of their talking that summer. Laura still has that picture.

August 2003 - Danny and Laura, brand new partners, made a presentation to the deacons at Shiloh Baptist Church (remember this church) requesting use of their facilities for weekly Bible studies. After the meeting, Danny took Laura to Messina Hof Winery (remember this winery) because it was nearby and because she had never been. While walking around the vineyards, both Danny and Laura thought how fun it would be to come here with a significant other, but both kept those thoughts to themselves.

Fall 2003 - The partnership began and looked something like this:

• Danny would unload his grandeous ideas, and Laura would become extremely overwhelmed.
• Danny would plunge right ahead with his vision, and Laura would sit back in amazement at the way people followed this crazy guy's insane ideas.
• Danny would stand up in weekly leadership meetings and talk and talk and talk, and Laura would quietly explain what he meant to everyone later when they asked questions and looked confused.
• Laura cried to Karley that she just couldn't keep up with Danny and get everything done that he started. Karley encouraged open communication, and it worked!
• Laura saw amazing changes occur and learned alot about ministry because of Danny's passion, vision, leadership and improving communication skills.

February 2004 - Danny told Laura that they needed to talk, and in her car in the driveway at the Auburn Angels he told her that he liked her. Dating was strictly forbidden between ministry team partners, so Danny decided they needed to tell the college minister, Kyle. Kyle promptly looked at Danny and said, "Why did you tell her that?"

May 7, 2004 - Laura picked Danny up from the Houston Hobby airport after he visited Don in Florida. After dinner at Beni Hana, at the Water Wall in Houston, Danny asked Laura to be his girlfriend.

May 9, 2005 - Danny picked Laura up for their one-year dating anniversary. He took her all over Bryan/College Station to places where they had made memories together. After a nervous dinner at Olive Garden, where Danny hurriedly called friends to meet that night from the bathroom, Danny took Laura to Messina Hof Winery (oh - remember this winery?). There, in the back of the vineyards, with his heart pounding out of his chest (Laura knows because she felt it when she hugged him), he got down on one knee and proposed.

May 10, 2005 - Danny moved to Austin, Texas and Laura stayed in College Station to work and plan a wedding.

August 2005 - Danny tells Laura they need to move to South Carolina. With only two weeks to the wedding, Laura says, "Fine, whatever, what color napkins do you want at the reception?"

August 27, 2005 - Danny and Laura say "I do" at Shiloh Baptist Church (remember this church?) surrounded by family, friends and TruLife kids.

August 28, 2005 - Danny and Laura leave to spend five delightful days in the Dominican Republic.

September 2, 2005 - Danny and Laura pack up a U-haul and makes stops in Dallas and College Station before trekking across the country to their new home in Greenville, SC.

Fall 2005 - Laura cries alot for alot of reasons, and Danny puts his strong shoulders to good use (holding her).

April 2006 - Danny changes jobs from Humana to BlueCross BlueShield of SC, and they pack up their second U-haul to move from Greenville to Columbia, SC.

January 2007 - Danny and Laura have paid off their student loans with gazelle-like intensity, Laura is still fuming at Dave Ramsey for being so darn right about paying off debt. Danny decides he wants to go to seminary, so they pack up their third U-haul and move to a different apartment complex in Columbia, SC in order to save money for DTS.

July 2007 - With boxes still smartly packed from the move in January, Danny and Laura load up the fourth U-haul that they've rented as a married couple and move from Columbia, SC to Dallas, TX. Four years of seminary sounds blissful to Laura if it means staying in one place for that long.

Fall 2007 - Danny works nights at UPS and goes to school full-time while Laura tries to learn the ropes of PR/Marketing at Voice of Hope.

Spring 2008 - Danny works early mornings at UPS while going to school full-time while Laura is now learning all about the financial world at Bessemer Trust.

Summer 2008 - Danny and Laura travel all over the place to see family and friends and just spend time together.

August 2008 - Danny and Laura celebrate three years of marriage with an amazing trip to Michigan.

August 27, 2008 - Danny gets home from UPS early and for the first time in nine months gets to spend the morning with Laura before she goes off to work. They were so excited to see each other before 5:30 pm that they splurged on ice lattes and free chicken biscuits at McDonalds.

Three years never felt so good as it did this morning.

9th Quarterly Review

A few weekends ago Danny and I had our 9th quarterly review.

Now, I have been informed that we should change the name of this little marriage-weekend-getaway because it sounds to business-like. However, this last "quarterly review" was more business than play. It was rough and exhausting, but also bonding and productive.

We started out on Friday night eating dinner at Macaroni Grill thanks to the free gift card we had received from test driving a Toyata Tundra.

We then ventured into the heart of Dallas to have coffee and desert at the top of Reunion Tower. I had never been to the top of Reunion Tower and the view did not disappoint. Spinning around while trying to eat was a little disconcerting, and both of us felt a little seasick after leaving the restaurant, but I would do it all over again just to dip rock candy into a fancy coffee drink. We caught the restaurant just days before they closed for remodeling, so if you're wanting to get some of this delectable chocolate cake you will have to wait until Fall 2008.

Yes, I know the pictures are blurry. I was enjoying the evening, trying not to worry about taking pictures for our tens of blog readers. And, the pennies are being saved for a new camera. So, hopefully come January you will be enjoying the Stiller's life through better quality photos.

Friday night date night was followed up with a Saturday of marriage evaluation and planning.

Danny did amazing research and planning for this quarterly review. Every day I am more blown away by his leadership of our lives. He had given me an entire packet of questions to think about and answer before our weekend together, so we were all set and ready to discuss life and marriage together. He had listend to a podcast by Mars Hill Church pastor, Mark Driscoll, on "Reverse Engineering Your Life" and decided this would be a great thing for us to do to become a more unified team and to envision what we want our lives to look like in the future.

And so, we set out to answer questions about what each us wanted our life to look like during seminary and beyond. After both sharing our desires, goals, expectations, etc. we then attempted to mold our goals into one.

When my Dad asked Danny years ago if he really wanted to date me because "she's a stubborn one," he apparently wasn't kidding.

Needless to say there were highs and lows - exciting realizations and selfish arguments. It was one of the toughest weekends of our marriage, but also a bonding milestone. It was a great time of creating one vision for our future.

We are still tweaking things, but it's fun to know that we have the same goal: to get through seminary in one piece!

Here are some the questions you to could ask if you want to have a "love and war" weekend:

List your top seven priorities for your life.

Seminary Life:

• How long do we want to be in seminary?
• What do we want our weekly schedule to look like?
• Where will we live while in seminary
• How will we pay for seminary?

Health (during & after seminary):

• How often will we excercise?
• What will our vacations look like?
• What day will we Sabbath?
• What things will our house be near?

Home: (after seminary)

• How many bedrooms do we want?
• What rooms will we have & what will their purpose be?
• What chores will be done each week/month/year?

Financials: (after seminary)

• What line items will we have in our budget after the necessities are paid?
• How much will we tithe?
• How much will we give?
• Where will Danny & Laura work?
• What kind of insurance will we have?

Marriage: (during & after seminary)

• When will we have date night?
• What components will a quarterly review consist of?
• How will we encourage one another spiritually?
• How will we structure our Bible study together?
• What would a typical week look like for us after seminary?

Family: (after seminary)

• How many kids do we want to have?
• What will our evenings look like?
• How will our kids be educated?
• How will our kids do ministry with us?

Extended Family: (after seminary)

• What will holidays look like?

Learning: (during &/or after seminary)

• What do I want to learn about?
• What conferences/classes do I want to attend?
• What resources do I need to do these things?
• How much will I read each day?
• What areas do I want to grow in?

Ministry: (after seminary)

• How many nights will we be out for ministry?
• How often will Danny travel for ministry?
• How will we serve in the church?
• What type of community groups will we be involved in?

Changes:

• What three things do you hope will have changed about yourself, your spouse, and your ministry after seminary?
• What three changes in my life would make my life easier?
• What obstacles are keeping me from living by my convictions?

Quarterly Review History
*1st - 12/16/05 - Raleigh, NC
*2nd - 03/25/06 - Charleston, SC
*3rd - 06/24/06 - Columbia, SC
*4th - 8/27/06 - Boston, MA
*5th - 12/1/06 - Gatlinburg, TN
*6th - 2/09/07 - Charlotte, NC
*7th - 5/26/07 - Myrtle Beach, SC
*8th - 8/27/07 - College Station, TX
*9th - 11/10/07 - Dallas, TX

Excellent Wife - Chapter 2

What I am learning to believe about God:

1. He has a planned ministry for me. (Gen. 2:18)


2. He is gracious, righteous, and compassionate. (Ps. 116:1,2,5)


3. His strength and understanding are unlimited. (Ps. 147:3,5)


4. He is purposefully working in my life. (Rom. 8:28-29)


5. He wants me to be a joyful and fulfilled wife!

She looks for wood and flax, and works with her hands IN DELIGHT . . . She senses that her gain is GOOD; her lamp does not go out at night . . . Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she SMILES AT HER FUTURE . . . Her husband also, and he PRAISES her saying, "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.
- Proverbs 31:13, 18, 25, 28, 29

What I am learning to believe about myself and my work:

1. God has prepared good works for me to do. (Eph. 2:10)
   
2. My good works have eternal worth! (2 Cor. 5:10)
   
3. I do not have to be afraid!

Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
- 1 Peter 3:6



4. My focus is to be on God, rather than myself. (Heb. 2:1-2)


5. I do not have to sin.

. . . knowing this, that our old self was cricified with Him, that our body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.
- Rom. 6:6-7

Questions/Reflections:

Am I doing the good works God intended for me? (Eph. 2:10)
My ministry to my husband is profitable. (1 Tim. 4:8)
Why have I been afraid to do what is right? (1 Pet. 3:6)

1. Afraid I won't get my own way?


2. Afraid I'll feel purposeless?

If I take my eyes off Jesus and react in a selfish way,
I will be miserable trying to fulfill my God-intended role.
- "Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, page 14

And so the Lord is stirring, moving, working. New buds are blooming and healthy fruit is beginning to grow.

Excellent Wife - Chapter 1

Have you ever tried to read a book and you just couldn't get through it?

I've tried to read "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace three times now. Once when Danny and I were dating, once when we were engaged, and once after we were just married in Greenville, SC.

Somehow it never clicked. Maybe as a dating/engaged woman I just couldn't relate, wrap my mind around the concepts, or apply the scripture to my life - although it would have helped tremendously if I could. Maybe the title at times was overwhelming, as Satan filled my head with lies that I could never be "excellent," especially at being a wife.

So, for the fourth time I am picking up this book, and this time, through prayer and desparation, something is clicking. So, wives, can we just talk candidly? Sometimes being a wife doesn't always feel like peaches and cream, sugar and spice, and everthing nice. Sometimes being a wife is cuddly and romantic and dreamy. But here's what the Lord is transforming in my life.

"For in this way
in former times
the holy women also,
who hoped in God,
used to adorn themselves,
being submissive
to their own husbands."
- 1 Peter 3:5

God's will for every Christan wife
is that her most important ministry
be to her husband.
- "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, page 4

And the Lord God said,
"It is not good
for man to be alone.
I will make a helper
fit for him."
- Genesis 2:18

And there it is. My purpose in life. To be a helper to my husband.

For the last year and a half I've despaired. I've cried over leaving TruLife, thinking that my one chance to do something I love, feel called to, and find purpose in was over. I've resented my jobs in Greenville and Columbia. But I can stop looking for the perfect job. I have a lifelong calling to love and serve my husband - that is my purpose for the rest of my life.

I need to learn to develop my ministry as a godly wife.

Talk about some dependence on the Lord. He's the only one who's going be able to mold this sista' into a godly wife.

But, take heart, Laura, there's so much hope.

We know that our old self (my old way of being a wife) was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.
- Romans 6:6

So, no matter how bad a wife I have been, not matter the mistakes I've made, there is forgiveness and freedom. Freedom from that old bondage, old emotional baggage, old habits. Just because I've been one way as a wife does not me I'm stuck that way. Thank goodness we are never STUCK when we have the Lord.

I do no need to fear the word "excellent,"
because it is just my responsibility
to "learn to put my confidence
in the faithfulness of God and His Word
- to do what He says."
- "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, page 6

His divine power
has granted to us everything
pertaining to life and godliness,
through the true knowledge
of Him who called us
by His Own glory and excellence.
- 2 Peter 1:3

And that is why I can have hope. God has called me to something, and He will give me everything I need to do it excellently. He has provided everything I need for this life.

Show me all the lies that I'm believing
I desire to live in truth, no matter what the cost
Shine Your light upon the darkest places hidden in my heart
Consume my thoughts

Cuz I know You desire to set me free
With truth undending
And it gives me hope
Cuz I know You can do more than I believe
So I'm depending
On You alone

Show me all the idols I bow down to
I desire to live in truth no matter what the cost
Shine Your light upon the darkest places hidden in my heart
Consume my thoughts

Cuz I know You desire to set me free
With truth undending
And it gives me hope
Cuz I know You can do more than I believe
So I'm depending
On You alone

"Truth Unending" by Ross King
(off the "To Make God Famous" album)

Today I Love You . . .

A few months ago I started posting little notes around my desk at BlueCross to remind myself why I loved being married to Danny Stiller. I wanted to appreciate the little things he does for me that make our marriage work. I wanted to have visual reminders when things were tough why I loved him and how he loved me. I wanted to save up a bunch of little sticky notes, so one day I could look back on our time in Columbia and smile. And, I wanted to smother his dashboard in love for him to find when he went to work in the morning.

Today was that day, and today I love . . .

• That Danny brought me tulips. (2/7/07)
  
• That Danny dropped everything to be there for me last night after my wreck. (2/8/07)
  
• That Danny wants to go to marriage conferences. (2/15/07)
  
• That Danny initiates praying together. (2/22/07)
  
• That Danny likes to cuddle in bed at night. (3/5/07)
  
• That Danny holds me when I cry. (3/12/07)
  
• That Danny strives for excellence in his job at City Year. (3/13/07)
  
• That Danny is persistent in communicating with me. (3/19/07)
  
• That Danny is wise with our money. (3/20/07)
  
• That Danny puts such effort into spending quality time with me. (3/21/07)
  
• That Danny planned date night. (3/22/07)
  
• That Danny treated me to Sonic yesterday. (3/26/07)
  
• That Danny seeks to lighten my load by doing dishes & taking out the trash. (3/27/07)
  
• That Danny is a disciplined student (& that he's smart). (4/4/07)
  
• That Danny takes care of me on the plane & when we travel by holding my stuff & buying me coffee. (4/9/07)
  
• That Danny get sup in the middle of the night to adjust the heat, get me a drink or fix the blankets for me. (4/10/07)
  
• That Danny communicates openly and honestly with me about his struggles. (4/11/07)
  
• That I know Danny will be an involved and amazing dad one day. (4/12/07)
  
• That Danny patiently works to help untangle & loosen my spaghetti. (5/8/07)
  
• That Danny is such a good communicator, even when I'm not. (5/9/07)
  
• That Danny turns back the bed for me at night. (5/14/07)
  
• That Danny loves to hold me and cuddle. (5/17/07)
  
• That Danny helps me write my cover letters and resume. (5/21/07)
  
• That Danny runs/works out with me. (5/22/07)
  
• That Danny is the first to hug me after we fight. (5/23/07)
  
• That Danny writes "I love you" in canned cheese on crackers to make me smile. (5/23/07)
  

A Weekend to Remember

A few weekends ago Danny and I spent our sixth quarterly review at Family Life's "A Weekend to Remember" marriage conference in Charlotte, North Carolina. It was a great weekend to strengthen, grow, and refine our marriage.

Unfortunately, I did not take too many pictures, as our time was spent listening to speakers or working on projects. I have included the few that I did take.

Sunset our 1st night in Charlotte

We arrived in Charlotte on Friday afternoon and checked into our Hilton Hotel room. Our speakers were Doug Martin, community pastor at Fellowship Bible Church, and Dick & Nancy Hastings, a certified Christian counselor. They were very gifted speakers, making the hours fly by with anecdotes, humor, and personal testimonies.

We stayed in this Hilton in Charlotte, NC

Friday night's session started with the "Five Threats to Oneness." They are outlined below:

1. Difficult adjustments threaten oneness. They include:
   - Contrasting backgrounds.
   - Differing expectations about marriage.
   - Superficial motives for marriage.
   
2. Following the world's pattern will threaten oneness in marriage. This includes:
   - Only give 50%, instead of 100%, in your marriage.
   
3. Selfishnes, and the failure to anticipate it, will threaten oneness in marriage.
   
4. A failure to work through inevitable difficulties and trials in marriage will threaten oneness.
   
5. Extramarital "affairs" will threaten oneness. An extramarital "affair" may include:
   - Involvement in too many activities.
   - Finding fulfillment in material things.
   - Workaholism, never going home.
   - Pouring energy into kids instead of spouse.
   - Adultery

All of these threats to marriage will result in isolation.

Danny in our hotel room at sunset.

Saturday was filled with topics, including "God's Plan for Oneness," "God's Power for Oneness," and "Understanding Communication." We had several good projects, which we are still referencing and working on.

Saturday night was designated "date night." We were released from the conference early to shower and prepare. Danny and I enjoyed dinner at Sushi 101, pictured here. Followed by ice cream at a cute little sandwich and ice cream shop.

On Sunday we participated in separate husband/wife seminars, followed by a session on "Resolving Conflict." The two hours on conflict resolution would have been worth the price of the entire conference by themselves. We learned practical steps to listening, confronting, forgiving, and reconciling.

Two principles that we learned at "A Weekend to Remember" that we repeat daily:
* My spouse is not my enemy.
* My spouse is a gift from God, so am I treating them as a gift?

We were so encouraged by the truth spoken throughout the weekend, as well as the biblical perspective on the roles of husband and wife. We gathered some new resources that we will be reading shortly, so check out our reading blogs for updates.

Quarterly Review History
*1st - 12/16/05 - Raleigh, NC
*2nd - 03/25/06 - Charleston, SC
*3rd - 06/24/06 - Columbia, SC
*4th - 8/27/06 - Boston, MA
*5th - 12/1/06 - Gatlinburg, TN
*6th - 2/09/07 - Charlotte, NC

A Week in the Life

A Week in the Life of Danny and Laura

Well, much has happened in the last two weeks, but unfortunately I have no pictures to spice up this update. So, you will have to suffer through reading about what's going on. I'll give you a quick run down of what our weeks typically look like.

Sunday: Teach 9th Grade Sunday School attend Newlywed Sunday School, Contemporary Worship Service, afternoon nap, and 9th Grade Cross Training Discipleship.

Monday Nights: Laura did have photography class - but now this night is free and clear and there will once again be time to get the laundry done.

Tuesday Nights: Danny & Laura drive the youth around Columbia to visit people who have visited Shandon Baptist Church. The evening also includes a free dinner at Shandon.

Wedensday Nights: Danny & Laura fellowship at Men's/Women's Bible studies.

Thursday Night: The recently proclaimed date night! This could mean going out, staying in, playing hard or resting on the couch.

Friday Night: Game night with friends, hanging out at Fabio & Kristi's, travelling, or catching up on stuff that just needs to get done around the apartment.

Saturday: Anything could happen on a Saturday.

In addition, our friend, Alisha, came to visit this last weekend too! She graduated from Texas A&M with us and is now getting a masters in International Studies at East Carolina University, which is located in Greenville, North Carolina. She and I watched way too many episodes of Unwrapped on the Food Network and Gilmore Girls dvds while Danny studied for his theology class. She also got to meet some of our friends while playing Catch Phrase and Telephone Pictionary at Fabio & Kristi's on Saturday night. Our office/guest room will now forever be called, "Alisha's Room," as she was the first to stay there. She discovered fun things like how the bath tub drain would drain faster if it was molasses going through a straw and that cold air leaks through the window panes all night long, waking you up to a nice artic chill each morning. Girl, you're welcome back anytime, and thanks for being such a trooper about the quirks of our new apartment!

5th Quarterly Review

We've made it through five quarters of our marriage - that's 15 months, 1 year and 3 months, just over a year, 454 days. How fast it's flown by. It seems like just yesterday Danny was down on one knee and we were stressing over tux choices and flower colors. And yet, it seems like forever.

We've done more than some people do in ten years. Haven't we always been married? I've moved more since I married Danny than in the rest of my life. I've seen more of the world and flown on more airplanes. How could we have done everything in a mere 15 months?

Well, to celebrate 545 days of marriage we trekked up to Gatlinburg, TN - home of the Smoky Mountain National Park and Dollywood. Smalltown Gatlinburg is tourist capital of the Southeast, and we decided to brave the traffic.

We made the five and a half hour drive in time to catch the famous Gatlinburg Christmas parade, which included all of the towns fire trucks, every high school band in Tennessee, and a few big balloon floats! We couldn't feel our toes or noses by the end of the evening, but it put us in the Christmas spirit.

Saturday, we scarfed down a Cracker Barrell breakfast and then drove out to explore the Smoky Mountains. We took pictures, coaxed Danny's little Camry up the steep mountain passes, and played by the fresh mountain streams.

By the afternoon we were craving some warm coffee and a little sit down time. We found the coffee at Starbucks, but it took so long to get there and so long to get out of the parking lot, that we got our hang out time in the car.

Saturday ended with dinner at the Apple Barn Resturant with my friend Kelly (we worked together at Central Baptist Church) and her boyfriend, Carson. They drove in from Johnson City, TN and we had a great evening of fellowship.

On Sunday we finished out our Quarterly Review with our "Question, Discussion, and Goals" session at Atlanta Bread Company.

Some of the things we discuss included:

• What are some ways that I have (and maybe currently do) hurt you?
• What can I do so that I don't hurt you anymore.
• Establish some "Action Steps" for building/maintaining intimacy (in anticipation of a busier semester while Danny takes an internet course).
• Write down 10 things that make you feel loved.
• What are our spiritual, physical, emotional, social and intellectual goals for the next Quarter?

Quarterly Review History
*1st - 12/16/05 - Raleigh, NC
*2nd - 03/25/06 - Charleston, SC
*3rd - 06/24/06 - Columbia, SC
*4th - 8/27/06 - Boston, MA
*5th - 12/1/06 - Gatlinburg, TN

Blueprints for a Solid Marriage

While driving to and from the airport (which we do quite often) and at night before we go to bed, Danny and I have been reading "Blueprints for a Solid Marriage" by Dr. Steve Stephens.

Now, I know some of you who are single are probably already moving the mouse to click on another, more interesting blog, BUT WAIT! If I were you I'd read this blog just to get a realistic picture of the work you'll one day get to put into making a great marriage. :-)

This is by far one of the most practical and useful books on marriage I've ever read, and I've read alot. Don't ask me to start listing them. We could be here for awhile.

Check out the "L's Booklist" blog and you'll see. Simply add about a dozen books onto what you see there, and you have all the books I've read on marriage and being a wife. I know, I should be a marriage counselor - I practically have enough classroom hours. As for real-life experience - give me a few more years to tuck under my belt before putting me on the advice-giving train.

So, onto this book, which I am now going to buy for every newlywed, engaged, soon-to-be engaged, thinking-about-getting engaged, and dating couple I know.

Stephens relates every aspect of marriage to a different room of the house. Bonus point number one: a great, easy to remember analogy.

Examples

The Kitchen: Practical Projects

The Family Room: Recreational Projects

The Closets: Emotional Projects

The Foundation: Spiritual Projects

Stephens explains what "togetherness" in marriage looks like in all 12 projects/chapter addressed in "Blueprints." He gives practical examples, solutions, and ideas in each chapter. At the end of each chapter there are questions intended to help you apply the "projects" to your own life. Some of the questions are fun, some are hard, and some are deep. This book definitely does not allow you have a shallow marriage.

Examples

*Think through the latest fight with your spouse and go below the surface. What underlying needs (which Stephens discusses) do you think was present? Which of these do you think was present with your partner?

*Look at the list of 25 common household chores. Mark which ones you do, which ones your spouse does, and which ones you do together. Surprise your partner by coming alongside and making more of the "alone" tasks into "together" tasks.

*See how long you can kiss. Then go somewhere else and break your record.

*Write down the five times you have hurt the feelings of your spouse. Apologize to him or her and do something to show that you are truly sorry for what you have done.

Danny and I could only digest one chapter of this book each night. Sometimes it made us want to jump out of bed and go figure out new things for us to do together around the house that we had been doing separately (see The Kitchen: Practical Projects chapter questions). Sometimes we had to stay up later because Stephen's questions pricked a particularly emotional, hard-to-deal-with topic and one of us was upset. Sometimes we just closed the book and fell asleep, contentedly feeling closer as a couple because we'd read together.

This has been a GREAt book to read, digest, and discuss while celebrating our first year of marriage, but don't think it's too soon or too late for you.

Sometimes I get discouraged that the sinful little girl in me will horribly mess-up my marriage - that I'll never be good enough to be the "Excellent Wife." But it's not about me, it's about how great the Lord is to work in me and despite me. It's about being vulnerable and genuiune with the women in my Bible study so they can pray for me. It's about communicating with Danny even when I don't want to talk about it any more. It's about using the practical resources I have at my finger tips (like "Blueprints") to keep our marriage creative and loving. It's about trusting that it's the Lord's will for our marriage to be thriving, growing, and renewing until the day He calls us home.

A Bostonian Anniversary

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The First Anniversary was a success. We spent last weekend in Boston, MA enjoying fine Italian dining, pastries & coffee, hiking the Freedom Trail, soaking up the beautiful weather, relishing each other's company, staying in a hotel nicer than we've ever stayed in, rejoicing at a friend's wedding, swimming at the beach and more. We stayed at the Omni Parker House in downtown Boston, and room service brought us chocolate covered strawberries when they found out it was our anniversary!

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I think Danny's favorite part was having to take public transportation. You can travel anyhere in Boston for $1.25. Unbelievable!

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We took all day Saturday to walking around Boston on the Freedom Trail. It's literaly a red brick/painted line in the sidewalk that takes you to 16 different historical sites in Boston. It was also very handy when trying to get back to the hotel. Forget the map? No problem, follow the red brick line!

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The Freedom Trail took us to Paul Revere's house, Mother Goose's grave, the Old North Church (where they hung the two lanterns for Revere to see), Boston Commons (where it wasn't UNcommon to see people in period dressed, ready to give tours), and many other interesting stops. The city was fascinating, with it's old architecture, history, and European feel.

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On Saturday night we went to Steph & Adam's wedding. Steph was one of Danny's friends from high school. To the right you can see the entire S.W.O (Senior World Order) group and SWOciates (spouses of the original S.W.O group). Don't ask about S.W.O. You simply need to know Danny and his friends. Apparently this was quite the group - they went so far as to give each other nicknames after candybars.

From Let to Right: Laura & Danny Stiller, Daniel & Melinda (Minter) Nunez, Adam & Stephani (Joe) Parken, Rucker Preston & Kim (soon-to-be Preston on March 3, 2007)!
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Finally, we flew back to Myrtle Beach, SC on Sunday afternoon and decided to spend the sunshine splashing in the waves. It was an impromptu decision, so we had to buy cheap, paper-thin towels, and some make-shift swim shorts for Danny.

So, if you've made it this far, I commend you. Reading a blog can be just as strenuous as creating one!

Click on any of the pictures to enlarge them. Click here to see all 175 pictures from the trip!

Quarterly Review History

*1st - 12/16/05 - Raleigh, NC
*2nd - 03/25/06 - Charleston, SC
*3rd - 06/24/06 - Columbia, SC
*4th - 08/26/06 - Boston, MA

Going to the Chapel . . .

Well, the 2007 wedding season is, and has been, upon us. And, being the young newlyweds that we are, we rejoice with every couple. We love hearing the personalized vows, dancing at the receptions, eating the free meal, and throwing the rice, releasing the balloons, lighting the sparklers, or chunking the rose petals.

We also set up a savings account just to pay for all the presents. Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Dillards, and Pottery Barn stay in business because of us and our many wedded friends.

So, being the creative wife that I am, and being that my husband finally began to set limits on what I could spend on dishes and bed sheets, I am now making wedding cards!

Hallmark is going to be knocking down my door offering me a job soon.

What better way to stop dipping into our future childrens' college fund . . .

What better way to share some personal experience from our last 11 months of marriage . . .

What better way to spend my free afternoons . . .

Here is the result.


What's the 10th great thing about being married you ask? Well, I couldn't give away all my creative secrets to the masses reading this blog, so you'll just have to wonder - or (if you're soon to be married) check your mailbox.

Congratulations to those who have, or will be, getting married this summer:
Scott & Alden, Daniel & Melinda, Sean & Mindy, Jon & Laura, Matt & Karen, and Stephanie & Adam.

You Have New Mail

Email from Danny to Laura today:

Happy 11 month Anniversary!

3rd Quarterly Review

Ten months of marriage and counting. Can it be almost a year since the stress of planning a wedding and moving across the country? It feels like eons ago. So much has happened, so many things have changed, and yet I still get to wake up every morning to the most amazing man in the world.

We had our 3rd Quarterly Review this last weekend. We were on a tight budget, so Danny (the master of packing a weekend with free activities) put his creativity cap on.

Danny started the weekend early by surprising me with Gerbera Daisies when I came home from work on Wednesday.

On Friday we enjoyed a FREE outdoor movie at Finley Park in downtown Columbia. "Fabulous Four" was playing and we cuddled as the sun set and lightening played on the horizon. Dark rain clouds rolled in just as the movie was ending.

Saturday morning we slept in and enjoyed coffee, bagels, and a quiet time at Manhatten Bagel. Just as the sun was heating up we headed down to the Congaree River that flows through downtown Columbia. (You might recognize it as the one we canoed a few weeks ago.) While Danny jumped around hunting for snakes in the moss I snapped pictures, all of which can be seen at: thestillers.shutterfly.com. We floated and paddled and even enjoyed some swift current that bobbed us up an down for about an hour and a half.

The evening found us hungry and tired, so Danny marinaded (with a homemade concoction) chicken shish-kababs which we then grilled out by the apartment pool. They were delicious.

Saturday night found us at our all-time favorite bookstore, Barnes & Noble. We read and had great conversation.

Sunday morning we enjoyed church at Shandon Baptist, our young married Sunday School, and lunch out with some new friends. Can you believe we're making friends?

Third Quarterly Review Conclusion: In all our 10 months wisdom about marriage, it has been decided that Quarterly Reviews on a dime are just as fun as weekend getaways to the beach, grilling by the pool when you're hungry is tastier than a fancy restaurant, and ten months of marriage is a great prelude to the rest of our lives.

Some things we discussed:

- Recap from last Quarterly Review. What did we accomplish this quarter that we had set as goals last quarter?

- What's improved in our relationship this quarter?

- What's your spiritual life been like this quarter?

- What are some things you've prayed for this quarter?

- Goals for next Quarter!

Quarterly Review History
*1st - 12/16/05 - Raleigh, NC
*2nd - 03/25/06 - Charleston, SC
*3rd - 06/24/06 - Columbia, SC

The Hankerchief

The unthinkable, unbearable, and almost unmentionable has occurred.

For those of you that missed our wedding rehearsal dinner, let me catch you up. As a young, opinionated girl I told my family that would NEVER marry a man who blew his nose with a hankerchief. After years of watching my father use them, and then watching my mother bleach, wash, and sterilize them weekly, I was thoroughly disgusted. I learned how to iron using a hankerchief; I learned how to fold using a hankerchief, and I was sure, at the confident age of six, that I had done my share of hankerchiefing duties.

Well, low and behold on the night before my wedding my mother gives my husband-to-be-in-12-hours a box of cloth HANKERCHIEFS. I was frantically looking around for the nearest exit! I was sure my marriage was doomed, and it hadn't even started.

Fortunately for me I am a super sleuth at hiding unwanted articles. And, until this week, had been successfully winning the game of hide-and-seek. Well, a few days ago Danny got sick with some flu/sinus/fever mess. It put him in bed with a box of tissues, and after rubbing his nose almost raw, he decided that he had had enough. He busted out that box of hankerchiefs and used the SAME ONE for over a DAY! He then had the adacity to leave that dirty piece of snot covered cloth on my washer for me to WASH. It has been one of the greatest tests of our marriage and of my courage as a wife. And, up until this moment I am not very brave, because that darned hankerchief is still sitting there on that washer.

He Loves Me

Stiller House Rule #1 states:

If a member of the Stiller house cooks a meal, they are thereby exempt from cleaning up any dishes, which must then be accomplished by a different member of the Stiller household before it is time for the next meal.

Well, according to Section 1 of Amendment 1 of the aforementioned rule, anyone who cooks the meal may also demonstrate their undying love for the responsible dishwasher by helping with or doing the dishes for them, thereby doing doubly duty in one day.

. . . Danny loves me . . .

5 Months of Dancing in the Kitchen

Well, on Friday, January 27th we celebrated our 5 month wedding anniversary. In honor of the up and coming Valentine's Day, which will be our first - married, I bought our first Valentine's CD. Dean Martin's "Amore" (yes, a Starbucks cd) has been playing in our kitchen for the last few days. It has all the classics and is perfect for a romantic dinner or dancing in the kitchen.

1st Marriage Quarterly Review

At the recommendation of Chris Osborne, our former pastor and pre-marriage counselor, Danny and I have decided to conduct "Quarterly Reviews" of our marriage. This is a weekend every three months where we get away from the apartment, stay in a hotel/inn/b&b, and analyze our relationship (the good and the bad).

Our first Quarterly Review was in Raleigh, North Carolina the weekend of December 16th. We stayed at this quaint inn that Danny found online:

Here are some of the questions we discussed:

* What has been the biggest adjustment being married?

* What has been the hardest struggle in our marriage?

* What have you struggled with personally since getting married?

* What has been most unexpected thing about marriage?

* What has been the biggest blessing since getting married?

* What do you want to focus on/improve next quarter (marriage & personally)?

* Things we've learned since getting married.

One Month Anniversary

**PICTURE UPDATES**

• BMX pictures online
• One Month Anniversary pictures online
• Greenville pictures online

**IN THIS BLOG**

• One Month Anniversary Story
• A Day in Our Life

One Month Anniversary:

Well, we celebrated our one month anniversary this week and of course the camera battery died five minutes into the fabulous date - so I will have to describe it for you colorfully using every bit of my English degree.

Danny had been working on surprises for several days, and I've learned not to ask questions but just anticipate. A few days early he left me an invitation to wining, dining, and spa treatment and told me when to be ready and what to wear. So, come the big day I was ready and so was he with the picnic basket packed with goodies unknown to me. He took me to The Falls on Reedy River which is a fabulous park in downtown Greenville. It has a large suspension bridge, a river with bubbling waterfall, walking trails, trees, restaurants, and live music. Here's a picture of the park:

We found a grassy knoll, spread out the blanket and then the first phase of the evening began, as Danny would say. He had brought Club crackers, expensive Cheddar & Swiss cheese (if you know me, you knwo how much I love cheese), non-alcoholic Sparkling Grape juice, and real wine goblets. We enjoyed our appetizers as we shared what the Lord had been teaching us that week. The weather was in the low 70s and the cool breeze was absolutely fabulous.

We sat until dark and then proceedd to Bonefish Grill, where we enjoyed grilled Rainbow Trout in a romantic atmosphere. Then, to top everything off we went home to watch a movie and enjoy non-alcoholic Pina Coladas from our new RED Kitchen Aid blender!

It's so hard to believe it's been a month since the wedding and we are still amazed that we are married and have the rest of our lives to grow in the Lord together and enjoy each other's comapny.

A Day in Our Life:

Here's Danny hanging bikes on our porch with his new drill. He has also begun to build a desk for himself. Pictures of the finished product will be up soon.

As newlyweds we also find that there are little things in life we never knew we missed until we no longer had them any more. Things like a broom, a can opener, a colander, a dresser, magnets for the fridge, a box of matches . . . and yes, a pizza cutter have become very coveted items in our new apartment, as we have not yet broken down and bought them! Here I am slowly snipping away at a pizza with scissors, (Thank you Joey for the cutlery block - we couldn't do without it!) after almost mangling it with a regular knife. Praise the Lord for this fun time in life when we learn to make do with what we have and learn to trust Him to provide for what we need - not always what we want.