Tuesday, April 13, 2010

This Thing Called Labor . . .

We had our second birthing class last night.
For those of you on Twitter and Faceboook you already know that it resulted in my first (but probably not only) freak out and emotional break down afterwards.
And, since you have been here all along - through the announcement of our pregnancy, to telling our parents the exciting news, to our continued wrestle over baby names, to finding out it's going to be a Danny Jr., to our DIY nursery plan to our crazy belly shots - I thought you should be along for the roller coaster that are my emotions when it comes to childbirth.
We watched a video in birthing class on natural childbirth. Basically it showed four or five births back-to-back. And, while a part of me did want to tear up each time that baby popped out and they put it on the mother's chest, with each birth I wanted nothing more than to turn that TV off.
Do you know how emotionally draining it is to watch five women go through the agonizing pain of birthing a baby - especially when you have one kicking his little reminder to you from inside your abdomen that he's growing BIGGER and BIGGER (emphasize the BIGGER!) and there's only one way he can get out?
As the video ended, the instructor asked what we thought, and no one said much at all. I can only imagine I wasn't the only one writhing in fear.
I held the tears back, but the minute we were in the car and Danny asked me what I thought, the waterworks started and I burst out, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT! I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THAT! BUT THERE'S NO TURNING BACK NOW AND I'M FREAKING OUT!"
And so, here we are in the middle of pregnancy. I've been reading up a storm, telling Danny all about natural childbirth to the point that he's totally convinced and ready to coach me through hours of labor and all I want is an epidural - a very STRONG epidural.
Go ahead and laugh. I give you permission. Pregnancy hormones are funny . . . until you're in the middle of them.
Give me three months and in my sleep-deprived state I'll look back and laugh with you at the drama that was me trying to figure out this thing called childbirth, probably all-the-while wistfully remembering how much more restful and quiet it was carrying our son inutero.

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